I’ve seen it done many a times before where a blogger has written a post as if they are going out on a coffee date with someone as a way to share what’s been on their heart lately. I came across another post like that today, and I immediately felt compelled to do one too. I think the time to catch up will be good. So, let’s go on a coffee date, shall we?
While you order, I’ll ponder over which sugary drink I’ll have that will cover up the taste of my coffee. We’ll grab a table in the sunlight per my request because warmer days are ahead and I just want to feel it. After catching up on recent events, we break into conversation about the deeper stuff. About how we’re really doing. How have I been? I’m so glad you asked…
If I’m being honest, the past couple weeks have left me feeling a little frazzled. I started off the first two months of 2019 with my husband out of town for a training. You might say, “wow, that’s a long time,” and I might respond with something along the lines of, “yeah, but it could have been worse.” Always the optimist here. While he was gone I defaulted into some routines and rhythms to help manage with the loneliness (not that I was depressed; just out of sorts without my best friend around me each day). Thankfully, I got into a groove, and while I missed Adam terribly, I was managing alright for the time being. Two weeks ago he finally returned, and I could not be more ecstatic. It didn’t feel real at first. I spent his entire first night home staring at him and having those “pinch me” moments because I was so used to him being gone. Having him back has been the best, and thankfully our relationship hasn’t hit too many hard spots after being apart for so long (like I mentally prepared myself for the possibility of). Soon after he got back, my dad was in town for a night to visit, and then a day or so later some beloved friends came to town for the week. And while all of this has been wonderfully amazing and not in any way negative, I got a little burnt out. I spent the last two months a bit more on my own. And all of a sudden I was busier and more social in two weeks than I had felt like I was in the last two months. And it threw me a little out of whack.
Which leads me to how I’ve been struggling over the last couple years to determine whether I’m an introvert or an extrovert (especially lately after finishing Reading People). Years ago, I would have more easily identified as extroverted. But as I’ve gained understanding about what extroversion and introversion truly are, I’ve leaned a lot more towards the introverted side. And it’s confused me. I see strong qualities of both in my life. Every time I think I’m sure, something else comes up within me that makes me second guess it. And I think the blurriness has left me feeling a bit off-kilter. I’m still working on figuring it out, in it’s time though, because I feel like it’s pretty multifaceted. But the introverted characteristics of myself have been fairly dominant lately, and I think that’s why I so quickly burnt out. I needed some space. I needed some alone time. I needed some time to really regroup.
Thankfully, I got that this weekend. After sending off our dearly loved friends, I headed into the weekend with no set plans. Adam asked if I wanted to go out and do something, and I pretty quickly turned it down for two days to reset and recharge. Thankfully, he understood. I’ve spent the last two days with a good mix of relaxing and recouping. I’ve spent extended time in the Word to recharge my heart and soul. I’ve given my mind some rest by watching Survivor (because Adam has been watching it and he has me a little sucked in despite my distaste for reality TV). I’ve had a bit of retail therapy by walking around Target. But I’ve also done some tidying and laundry. I washed the floors. I bought groceries and meal planned. I did a mid-month check in on our budget. I rested, but I found my footing again so I can head into this week with a firmer foundation. Thankfully two days of sunshine and rising temps has helped too after our bomb cyclone blizzard this week.
You see, I thrive on rhythms and routines. I’m a much more balanced and healthier person when I have them. But I also recognize that if I stick to them too firmly (which I have a tendency to do if I’m not careful), I’ll often miss out on the most valuable moments of life. And so I have to intentionally remind myself to hold them loosely when necessary. That means I risk some of the stability that I work so hard to maintain. But as God so kindly reminded me (again…for the umpteenth time) today, my life is not about finding balance. It’s about being obedient to the mission He’s called me to. And not for my own righteousness sake. But because I ever so desperately need a Savior to come rescue me when I get myself so ensnared by my selfish attempts to manage life on my own without Him. It’s about His righteousness saving me, and you, and the person sitting a table over from us, and the barista behind the counter, and so on and so forth. I need the reminders often that I can’t have it all together on my own. The chaos I felt within me this last week is an example of that. And I’m in a place where I’m okay with recognizing that. It’s just going to take a lot more time, and a lot more of the Holy Spirit in me to change my default settings to reliance on Christ rather than reliance on myself. Thankfully, he’s MUCH more reliable than me.
We cheers to that. And when I finally finish spitting that all out and take a breath, I’ll probably apologize for talking about myself so much, and you (hopefully) express understanding. I’ll then ask how you’re doing and get an update of where your heart has been. As our time ends, we toss our cups, give each other a hug, and head on our way. Until next time friend…